Exhausted But Can’t Sleep — What’s Going On?

It’s strange, isn’t it? You go through the day half-awake, counting down the hours until bed… and then, when you finally get there, you’re wide awake. Almost alert. As if your body’s been saving its energy for this exact moment.

Why This Happens

Short answer - it’s hyperarousal. What’s really happening is that two parts of your system are competing. By the time it’s night time, your body is tired. Because it spent the entire day using energy for work, socializing and life itself. You’re also sleepy because your sleep drive has been building since the moment you woke up. That’s the tired and sleepy part. 

Yet, another part that should be helping you sleep - the slowed down thinking, this slow relaxed feeling in your body - just vanished into thin air. Instead, your thoughts are going at a sprinting speed, your body - tensed and emotions are having an anxiety party. That’s the arousal system at play. 

So when you’re exhausted but can’t sleep, the arousal system takes over and makes it feel like tiredness was never even there. The arousal system is what makes it possible for us to be awake and it also plays a huge role in our stress response.

Why Am I Hyoeraroused At night?

Hyperarousal at bedtime can happen for several reasons. It could be that you’ve been having a tense time in your life. If that’s the case, then our days are often a marathon without a break.

So if we keep pushing ourselves without stopping, we’re pumping the hyperarousal muscle. Then at night it has a hard time relaxing. After building up the entire day, stress hormones can’t just magically flush out of your system.

If the day was average, it could be that you push your system into hyperarousal by starting or continuing the mental chatter in your brain. Thinking about the day that went by, or trying to remember things for the next one - are small examples of what keep us alert at night.

You might also be stuck in an insomnia-hyperarousal loop. If you’ve been sleeping well, but then one time you found yourself tossing and turning - it’s likely you panicked. And that fear was so strong that it actually kept you awake longer.

Unfortunately, our brains love associations. So when you go to bed now, that’s when it reminds you of that one ‘dangerous’ time you couldn’t fall asleep. Fear or anger hit, and sleep is no more. No matter how tired you felt. When repeated, this becomes a loop.

It doesn’t mean you’re broken | And What Helps

I know it might feel like you are. I thought that about myself too. But really, it’s just an over-active alarm. Fear feeds on fear. And over time it makes us see wakefulness as a threat. This is a normal healthy way that your body learned to react to protect you. This means that you can unlearn it too.

If you’d like an experienced guide out of this loop, book a session here.